Review: Chopping Mall – Mauled By A Magical Bear …

Chopping Mall – Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets (Self Release)
Review by Steve Thomas-Green

The email that came with this releases stated, quite proudly, that most the lyrics for each song, were written in under 5 minutes. And I like that idea… so in honour of the album, I’ll write this review in under 10 minutes.

Ok, 23 songs, a running time of 43 minutes, although the last song is actually 7 minutes long… the rest are generally between 1 and 2 minutes.

Now, I was expecting noisy Grind, with not a lot of finesse, but this is actually quite tuneful… and there’s a lot of Death Metal on here too… of the groovy, catchy variety

Most of the song titles are pretty stupid… and the lyrics probably are too… if you can be bothered to read them: Plastered In Unicorn Feces, (incorrectly spelt, I may add), Gurgling Vomit From The Mouth Of An Engorged Walrus and of course, Rotten Curdled Milk Spraying From The Mouth Of A Wizard… so that’s obviously, the fun part…

But where this album fails, is because the music is too good, the playing is too good as is the production… especially on Gored By A Dinosaur Skeleton That Came To Life At The Museum, which is fucking brilliant…

Ok, you’re 10 minutes are up… this album is way too good for puerile shit… please make a proper album next time

(But seriously, it’s fucking excellent)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s